I don’t think I’ll be able to have kids because my laptop is cooking my balls on my lap omfg



theeto, a thot and a cheeto






writing adult emails is awful

its like

hi [name of person], 

this formatting is making me uncomfortable but I have to tell you something / ask you something that is vital to my career as a student. 

I re-read and edited that sentence for an hour, but you’ll probably just glance over it for half a second.


- [name]



I have a stock format and structure I use.

Dear Person I am Writing To:

This is an optional sentence introducing who I am and work for, included if the addressee has never corresponded with me before. The second optional sentence reminds the person where we met, if relevant. This sentence states the purpose of the email.

This optional paragraph describes in more detail what’s needed. This sentence discusses relevant information like how soon an answer is needed, what kind of an answer is needed, and any information that the other person might find useful. If there’s a lot of information, it’s a good idea to separate this paragraph into two or three paragraphs to avoid having a Wall of Text.

If a description paragraph was used, close with a restatement of the initial request, in case the addressee ignored the opening paragraph.

This sentence is just a platitude (usually thanking them for their time) because people think I’m standoffish, unreasonably demanding, or cold if it’s not included.

Closing salutation,


People always ask me how I can fire off work emails so quickly. Nobody has figured out yet that it’s the same email with the details changed as needed.

(via insaneteacup)




When ur hair won’t listen to you and its a mess and ur just like ???? I grew you myself??? I gave you life and this is how you repay me??

sounds familiar

(Source: hxrcvles, via phocookie)



my right thigh is slowly being cooked by my laptop.

(Source: phocookie)



If you promote yourself under someone’s post, kill yourself.

(Source: phocookie)

You’re not fat. You’re just so sexy it overflows.

(Source: phocookie, via phocookie)

  • Friend: World's going to end soon.
  • Me: My ramen doesn't expire until 2015 nigga.


I’m the author of my life. Unfortunately, it’s in pen so I can’t erase my mistakes.

(Source: phocookie)






People who understand you have a busy life and will patiently wait for replies (◕‿◕✿)

People who understand you’re a lazy ass piece of shit and will patiently wait for replies (◕‿◕✿)

People who understand you have a terrible tendency to get distracted and will patiently wait for replies (◕‿◕✿)

People who understand you never even planned to reply back but will patiently wait for replies (◕‿◕✿)

(Source: recoveringheroinaddic-t, via phocookie)